I lay next to you, eyes open starring at the ceiling.
I evaluate your questions in my mind, looking for the deeper meaning.
Albert Einstein once said that doing the same thing over and over and expecting different results is the definition of insanity.
Do you really want to be hidden beneath the layers of my lies?
I longed for a different ending, not a new beginning.
Trying to find the balance,
putting myself first, and you second.
But in truth, I don’t know this skill.
All I can provide is “maybe’s”.
Guilty to put myself first,
guilty to put you, first.
I can offer you exclusiveness,
but I cannot offer you my life.
I can offer you scheduled time,
but I cannot offer you free time.
When I am not with you, I am wondering the dark mazes within my heart.
I am searching with my weapons drawn, cautiously turning each corner.
I am not searching for you. I am searching for me.
I entered a new chapter of my life, the chapter of Redemption.
I locked your door for the last time and blessed your home,
with no thoughts to ever enter again.
You followed me.