I have forgotten how to give you my body.

How to yearn for the welcoming of my insides.

It scares me…

I feel the distance between your torso and mine.

I watch you come to a place of mediocre satisfaction.

I smile. Happy it’s over, that I could give at least that.

It scares me because I know it is not enough- what I provide.

The memory of me, verses, me in front of you, will further and further misalign.

I will begin to envy me back then for burning a place in your memory.

For giving you a standard I may no longer possess…

Maybe I hide behind giant walls.

New walls you have never climbed before.

I hang up the phone,

I wonder if instances like this have branded me closed.

If the accumulation of things has finally landed.

Maybe it is not walls I built,

but a giant ocean I drown in.

Maybe my vulnerability shattered,

and now the entrance of my being no longer exists to the outside world.

I sit in solitude.

I wonder.








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